Monday, February 9, 2015
Just some things
I'm just going to come out and say it: I wish this beautiful, late-spring weather in February would stop. It was nice at first but now we're going into our second week of it and it just feels weird, like we skipped ahead two or three months on the calendar. It's lovely to take walks and play in the park without a jacket but I'm worried about the trees and the bulbs; it's bound to get colder again and the buds may be killed. Then we'll have no flowers, or fruit later in the year. We'll have had weird, creepy heat in the middle of winter though, so that's something. Or so people keep trying to convince me, but I disagree. I want flowers and fruit, darn it.
I feel cantankerous right now in general. I'm anxious about having my annual "lady-parts" exam later this week. Have I ever mentioned that I have severe medical anxiety? It's true. It's real and it's crippling. Most of my problem can be traced back to my son's birth, and the pregnancy and labor, all of which were fraught with problems. My daughter's were also difficult and that didn't help. But it goes back to before I ever had children, a long string of negative and scary medical experiences. I've been fortunate to find a local midwife who treats women in all stages of life, not just pregnancy, and I feel okay about her.
My main problem is having my blood pressure measured. My pregnancy and birth issues center around having had severe preeclampsia with both babies. This disease features extremely high blood pressure in the mother. I topped out at about 190/120 with each baby. I needed an automatic blood pressure cuff and it took readings every five minutes, day and night, for an extended period of time, and it really affected me. I became terrified of having my blood pressure taken. Years later, it's still like this, and I can feel my blood pressure skyrocket just calling a doctor's office on the phone. I would rather have my weight taken, and announced, in front of a whole stadium full of people than have my blood pressure taken in the presence of one nurse.
I know I don't really have high blood pressure because I have my own monitor at home and it's normal here. My midwife is understanding and she lets me bring in a record of my at-home blood pressures when I have a visit with her, instead of taking it herself in the office. This helps a LOT, but I still hate going there. I wish I didn't, and it's not her fault, she's very nice and not at all threatening, but it's the history. Your eyes are probably glazed over by now, but wish me luck. You'll be horrified/pleased to know that I've preemptively bribed myself with a drive-through at Sonic for a milkshake when it's all over...
On a more lighthearted note, the small Bears are having a great week for lost teeth so far. The LB lost one last night (his tenth lost tooth), and the GB discovered her first loose tooth ever just this morning. It's a top front tooth, which seems unusual to me because I thought they mostly lost the bottom front ones first, but I suspected it was becoming loose over the past few weeks because it was moving away from the tooth next to it. She was getting a space she'd never had before. The loose tooth is loose enough that I think she could lose it by the end of the week. I should go to the bank just in case; I'm almost out of dollar bills. One funny thing about their tooth-losing is that he started getting teeth much younger than she did, four months old versus twelve months. And he started losing them at just about eight months younger than she is now. Isn't that strange? I'm sure it's just a neat mathematical coincidence, but I like to look for these things in my life, they make sense to me.
Thank you for your kind comments lately. I hesitate to spend much of my time here blogging about blogging, because I think it's so "meta" as to be boring and pointless, but I've been enjoying blogging more than ever these past few months. I will say, though, that I've been having lots of trouble with my blog feeds lately (I have a main one and a backup, and both are acting up), so I think I'm missing posts. I'm sorry about that. I'm also noticing that Blogger is no longer sending me emails for each comment on my own blog, so there are times I don't even realize they are there unless I go directly to the comments on a given post. And I've heard that my own new posts aren't always showing up in a timely way in others' feeds and sidebars. What is with you, Blogger? Fix this, please, Mr. Google! So, readers, if I've seemed absent in some way or another lately, please bear with me.