Friday, July 24, 2015

Muddling





 


And so we plod along, making our way through these final weeks of the long, drawn-out summer break, made exponentially more mind-numbing by a post-operative recovery. I think we're all going to lose it some days. It must feel like a special kind of hell to a nine-year-old boy to have to spend his summer days sitting sedately, when he'd rather be running, jumping, climbing, just plain moving around. At least the catheter is out; I don't miss my pee-decanting responsibilities one bit. And we're down to only three medicines per day, and that will be down to two, just the normal ones, in another ten days. So there's that to look forward to. In the meantime, our days have taken on a restless sameness; there's plenty of time and I'm getting a lot done, but I'd rather be doing just about anything else. In a heartbeat, I'd trade all the creative meals and the current spotlessness of my home for an afternoon at the pool with some friends. I'm not depressed, exactly, but I am restless and bored, and I feel badly for both of my kids.

I shouldn't complain. I keep telling myself not to complain. Last week, in the thick of our post-op chaos, I found myself getting irrationally angry at an article about the writer's longing for a gigantic family and feeling unfulfilled with the numerous healthy children she already has. I actually had to walk away from the computer, just stood up and exited the room and went and emptied the catheter bag. We all have our crosses to bear, but it was precisely the wrong time for me to read about that one and it reinforced for me the pointless negativity of complaining.

We did make it out to the library this week, which was nice. It was the last week of the summer reading program and there was a demonstration about the life cycle of butterflies. I remembered that we have a mesh butterfly house in a closet somewhere around here. I think we'll try to find some caterpillars next spring. I remembered while I was watching the demonstration that we hatched butterflies in elementary school, maybe around fourth grade. The teacher had these big boxes with clear plastic windows in the sides, and we could watch the caterpillars form their chrysalises inside. When they hatched, we released them in the field behind the school. It was fun. What I remember best, though, was when a boy in my class pointed to a drop of reddish fluid on the floor of the box and said that the butterfly was "on her period." The same boy had drawn genitals on my Cabbage Patch Kid eraser the previous school year. He was not what you'd call a nice boy.

I have to repair Maggie Rabbit. I had a feeling when I gave her to the GB that this would happen. One of Maggie's legs is hanging off by a thread, and she has a hole in her neck seam. Right now she's sitting forlornly on top of my sewing machine. She wasn't even played with much; she sat on the GB's nightstand and was really just decorative, or so I thought. I probably should have kept her for myself. 

I had my hair cut this morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I meant to have a haircut weeks ago (you may recall that I complained of having Meatloaf hair). It was getting progressively worse. I could barely comb it. I have the kind of hair that can look pretty nice if I take my time with the blow-dryer and big round brush, but I haven't been doing that lately, needless to say. The stylist cut off about five inches of scraggly, dry blah and I'm happier now. It's just to my shoulders so I can still put it up in a short ponytail but it has some body and can look nice with just a brushing at this length. When I got home, I washed my hair in the kitchen sink using the spray nozzle. My kids watched me in awe and I realized that I hardly ever wash my hair in the sink now. I used to do it all the time, though. Did you? Maybe it was an effect of living in a house with six people - three of them girls close in age - and one bathroom, but I washed my hair in the kitchen a lot.

It's taco night here. I feel like eating something really crappy. I don't want to go out for it and I don't have enough cash on hand to have anything delivered but I do have tortillas, meat, veggies, cheese and Old El Paso seasoning. Tacos, it is. Later, it will be a hard cider and stove popcorn with something mindless on TV. I can't wait.

28 comments:

  1. Ah Jen, feeling your broredom, it must be really hard for a busy family like yours. Continue to look for the good things and don't feel bad about having some 'hippo' time wallowing around being a bit bored - we all have to do that sometimes. I lost it with Little M tonight at bedtime but an hour later she is asleep and I have turned up a dress so the world seems a nicer place. Love and Hugs to you. Jo xxx

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  2. Have a good evening Jennifer, you more than deserve it x

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  3. I totally feel for you. It must be so tiring and draining. Here's me dithering about the start of a six week break and you've had double this time off school, and a sick child to contend with. It can only get better. Hey, soon it will be autumn and I know how you love autumn! (sorry - trying to look for the positives here...) xx

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  4. Oh Jen, I really feel for you. Wishing you cheerier, brighter days soon. They will come. Like Jo says, don't feel bad about feeling this way. We all do sometimes. Wishing you a lovely weekend! Bee xx

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  5. I can imagine that it has been a difficult time for all of you, being cooped up is never fun especially during the summer. Hang in there.

    Hope you enjoy your taco night, and the evening that follows.

    Happy weekend!

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  6. You know sometimes it is good to wail, even taking into account the positives to be glad about; healing is sometimes tedious, and boring. I hope you have a good taco night and that the healing routine gets better and better. Oh, and it has been awhile, but I have been known to wash my hair in the kitchen sink, too. Have you tried the bathroom sink? I have in desperation :) xx

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  7. My heart goes out to you, Jennifer. It is a long a tedious time, the recovery from serious surgery, for everybody involved. About eight weeks after my big surgery there was a melt-down here when HB, apparently over-tired from being carer etc, decided on a big day out. Totally understable in hind-sight :) The taco night sounds delicious, and I hope you all enjoyed it. Washing hair in the sink? Yes, we did it always when I was a kid, in a big family with one bathroom. And why not, I say. Hope the week is kind to you.

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  8. Oh, I do feel for you and the children being confined to the house - I tend to get a bit stir crazy if I'm stuck at home for too long. Hatching butterflies sounds like great fun, as does cider, popcorn and taco night - hope it went well. Fingers crossed for more little trips out. xx

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  9. i'm always at home so , not sure how you are feeling but hope it gets better for you in the coming weeks. why not teach the kids to crochet too? or knit? they are great life skills & ones we all should know. don't feel bad about walling at home, it will get better, soon you will all be out down to the park, but for now perhaps turn the back yard in your own park?
    looking forward to seeing your finished crochet items, you do some lovey photography too, always enjoy reading & viewing here
    hope you have a good weekend
    thanx for sharing

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  10. Jennifer, I'm sorry it's driving you a little bit nuts. I remember last summer, right in the middle of the holidays my eldest ended up with his leg in plaster from top to bottom. It wasn't particularly painful for him, but it really curtailed what we could all do, and I did feel a bit sorry for the other two. You're doing a really good job of making a good summer for them nonethess. Hang on in there, you're a star! CJ xx

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  11. Oh yes, I understand what you're talking about... A few years ago, The Hubby had a shoulder operation, and for 6 weeks, he had to have his arm in a sort of harness, night and day. His right arm. He's right-handed.... So 6 weeks I couldn't move from his side, had to help with everything. And oh yes, you soon get bored :-))))
    This too will pass, Jennifer ! Just hold on a little bit more !
    About washing hair in the sink, nope, never done that. Just for practical reasons : my hair is so long, the ends would be hanging down the drain ;-) !

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  12. I'm at home for the summer now and loving it. I hear your boredom so hope you can get out soon. We're thinking of setting up the tent outside for kids to sleep in. Just a little but different for them. Xxx

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  13. It will pass and the LB will be running and jumping and kicking and throwing and generally driving you nuts but in a completely different way before you know it. When you're in the midst of stuff like this it is hard but if anyone can survive and see the positive it is you! Thought of you yesterday when it rained all day here and felt better for it. How about you and the GB going somewhere special together and letting the boys look after themselves for a day?

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  14. I really do feel for you. Set up a little mini spa at home and spoil yourself with a little pampering, nails hands and feet, you deserve a little me time.

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  15. Recovery mode is hard on the whole family. Is there any way you could sneak away for a day out on your own? Perhaps your husband or his parents could relieve you of your duties for a bit. I'm sorry it's been so hard, and I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better. But sometimes life is just hard, and I think the best thing we can do is acknowledge that fact rather than try to gloss over it. I hope writing about it has helped.

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  16. A lot of sympathy coming to you from my corner of the world ... been there not too long ago. It sucks but the good news is, time marches on .. it will just be a memory before you know it ... or if you are like me, your memory will go and nothing will bother you LOL ... sending love.

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  17. We had nachos the other night but tacos would have been just as good, it was one of those much needed things. You will look back at Maggie Rabbit in years to come & remember those repairs. Big hugs for you all x

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  18. I am taking a break from packing to blog for a few minutes. I forgot how much I hate packing up an entire house. It's so much work and I'm already exhausted! I totally understand what you are talking about and I'm thinking of you and your children. I think we are all ready for a new season - I know I am! And yes, as crazy as it sounds, I always washed my hair in the kitchen sink growing up, and so did my mom! I hope you are having a nice weekend.

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  19. Hope things get easier, it sounds rough. So glad it's all going in the right direction. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

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  20. You've had a rough summer.. I'm glad your son is improving and things are starting to get back to normal. We are enjoying being with our dau. and two gd's here in Missouri. We start our trek back on Tuesday. I hope you're having a good weekend. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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  21. I can really feel you 'coming down' after such a stressful number of weeks,and as you begin to move away from being in a constant state of high alert you feel restless and almost uneasy. Having had both my boys in hospital at various times ( though not with ongoing conditions) I can really relate to this phase of convalescence and recovery. It is hard, hard, hard, and you have done brilliantly well with everything. Wishing you well X

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  22. Oh dear, I do feel for you, I hope things soon feel a bit more 'normal' again! Sending hugs! xx

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  23. Sounds like the haircut gave you a bit of a boost. Often a little treat like that goes a long way.
    I hope things get easier over the coming weeks. And it sounds like you're doing a great job with your kids. Library visits, good home-cooked food and taking care of your boy while he recovers... Don't be too hard on yourself. This slump will be over and you'll feel 'up' again.
    S

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  24. You do sound down in the dumps.. Very rare for you; I always find your blog full of positivity and happiness. You're doing it tough and this is but a moment.. This too, shall pass... Hang in there, times are tough but you have your family and a whole lot of love and support . Hope you feel better soon. Enjoy the tacos, they Sound delicious! Xxx

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  25. Hey Jennifer,
    I think that it's perfectly okay to feeling a bit blah from time to time. I don't enjoy that restless feeling that you are experiencing right now either. You are doing your best by your boy. What a lovely Mum you are.
    LeAnn xx

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  26. Hi Jennifer, I have only just caught up with your blog and all that you and your boy bear has been through. I am glad to hear that it all went well and that he is making a good recovery, even if it has been tough going for all of you. You are doing amazingly well to have kept it together for your family for all these hard weeks and you certainly deserve a break to take care of yourself too, even if it means just having a drink and a crappy meal :) I hope that things keep on getting better and easier for you over the next few weeks and that you can get out and about some more, it does make such a difference to your mood.
    A little news from me, seeing as I have basically abandoned my blog.... I had my little baby boy last week, all 6lb10oz of gorgeousness :) We had a few night's stay in hospital too as I had a c-section, and have just been spending our days at home recovering and feeding this past week. Hopefully I'll get back to blogging some time and will show him and his handmade blanket off on there :)
    Sending you lots of hugs
    Elle xx

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  27. It has been such a hard time for you, Jennifer. Sometimes when things settle down after a lot of worry and stress the reaction sets in. I hope that soon you will all be out and about again in your usual energetic way and you will feel the zest again. Lots of new, inspiring crafting is my recipe for times of waiting :) Wishing you a happy new week.
    Helen xox

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  28. sorry you were feeling blah. I just had the same done to my hair, very liberating.

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